Myth VS Fact

Myth: Osama Bin Laden is still alive.
Fact: He actually died in '02 or '03. He was just sure to make a bunch of videos before he died so that his comrades could scare us every now and then. I know because I was there.

Myth: Deodorant is needed to not stink.
Fact: Deodorant does not prevent you from stinking. It just puts a different smell on you. Deodorant does two things. First it smells pretty which gives the smeller the illusion of a nice smelling armpit. Second it plugs your pit pores so that you don't sweat nearly as much. This is really bad for your skin and eventually leads to worse stink as the plugged pores allow for pore sweat to ferment before finding a way out. This brings up another point: armpits are not meant to smell pleasant anyways. Ideally they shouldn't stink, but one shan't expect the scent of mist covered roses on a foggy May morning upon urge of smelling their pals pit's.

In continuation of these facts, I'd like to say that I personally do not use deodorant and have not for a d@mn long time now. I have come to find that every person has their own distinct scent, particularly yours truly. It is a definite fact that a healthy individual emits a much more pleasant odor than someone who is unhealthy. It all comes down to the food that you eat every day. If you eat high quality food that is good for your body then you will emit a pleasant musk. Every morning I have a glass of milk that I personally milked, two eggs that I picked myself, potatoes that I dug up myself, sausage that I fed while it was still alive, and sometimes some squash or something. My pits do not ever stink, and I have asked a lot of people to verify that. If anything it is a pleasant musk. Now when I was finishing up my last few weeks at summer school at Lindenwood, I stunk horribly bad. That's when I probably should have been using deodorant, but I was attempting to make a stand, as always. For those four weeks I struggled to get a complete breakfast, and ate a cardboard burger for dinner and supper every day, along with whatever fried up crap looked the least nasty. Upon coming back home and eating real food, I felt and smelled 100% better immediately.

Myth: The North Koreans are gonna blow us up.
Fact: They be skeered. It's just a bluff.

Myth: Milk has to be pasteurized to be drinkable.
Fact: The more you do to milk before you drink it, the less wholesome it becomes. Pasteurization and Homogenization take all of the vitamins and minerals out of milk. Sure there's 100% vitamin D in the whole milk you buy at the store, but it has to be added in later. It's not pure. You can never replace all the micronutrients that are killed off whilst milk is processed.

Louis Pasteur realized later in his life that Pasteurization was actually a really bad thing, as it took the things out of milk that made it milk as part of the process. He highly regretted the discovery and usage and wished he had not unleashed something so horrible upon the world. He realized that thousands of kids would be malnourished for the rest of time. In this country we just overproduce. We take the nutrients out of all our food because the man on top claims that it is a health standard to process things as much as they are, then eat twice as much as necessary to make up for the lost nutrients that are keeping us hungry. Thus America, the "greatest country in all of history," has more obesity than any civilization that has ever existed.

Myth: Cow Tipping is the favorite past-time of every country boy.
Fact: If a cow is standing in a wide open pasture, you cannot tip her over. The notion that you can simply walk up to a cow and push her over is absurd. People think that cows sleep standing up and that you get them whilst asleep, but they are thinking of horses. Cows lay down. Horses I suppose you could tip over if you were sneeky enough, but most people are so gung ho about how horses have more rights than even poor people that you'll probably never even find someone willing to try.

The real story here is that it is not uncommon for savvy country boys (thats right, we ain't stupid like you think!) to take a city kid out in the middle of nowhere and tell him to tip a cow over because he thinks it would be cool or something. While the city boy is chasing the cow around like the moron that he is, the country kids ditch and the city boy is left to fend for himself in the middle of nowhere.

Myth: Obama is gonna turn us socialist.
Fact: Anyone who gives a sh*t has no life. In my opinion (not that I give a sh*t) the creepers on Fox News can't find enough to complain about so they have to rile up people into thinking crazy. Oh and by the way, socialism works! People in Europe are much happier than in America.

Myth: The Swine Flu is coming to take your children like a thief in the night.
Fact: Propaganda to get our attention off of something else...but I'm not sure. It's also a great way for the media to put down Mexico I think.

Myth: Marijuana is worse for your health than tobacco.
Fact: There is no evidence whatsoever to suggest that THC from Marijuana is carcinogenic, however it is widely known that Nicotine is highly carcinogenic. Although Marijuana has more tar content than Tobacco, even the biggest Marijuana smoker takes in only a fraction of the tar...think about it, have you ever heard of someone smoking the equivalent of a "pack" of joints in a day? Most tobacco smokers smoke even more than a pack!

Myth: Hens need a rooster to produce eggs.
Fact: Hens lay eggs regardless of the presence of a rooster. However, the presence of a rooster will increase yields. Hens are just like women...they need a man around to keep them productive ;)

Myth: I'm sexist
Fact: I was kidding about the last sentence of the previous thing.

Myth: The moon landing.
Fact: That was actually the discovery of Utah. Flags can't fly without wind, which is apparently absent on the moon. Also that little one liner by Neil Armstrong was obviously staged...you don't just think of a line like that off the top of your head!